I'm feeling weaker. I know that it's time to quit PT. I'm not only failing to make progress, but I'm actually slipping. Sure I can ride the stationary bike for 10 minutes and get about 2 or 3 miles virtual distance, but I should be on the power machines by now. I'm no where near ready for them. What bothers the therapists most, I think, is now badly I walk on the crutches. It's not a skill issue, but rather a strength issue. I'm pretty sure the rehab of quad muscle is way behind plan. It just doesn't seem to be getting stronger.
When I arrive, Ann is there and as soon as I sit on the usual table to take my brace off, she comes over. I tell I think it's time for a hiatus. She's relieved, because she was going to have to tell me I'd have to stop PT until my overall situation changed. The neuro weakness needed to be solved and reversed if at all possible. We concluded that my best shot for coordinating a diagnosis is Dr. Slater. I have an appointment with him next Wednesday.
Ann asks me if I want to do my usual workout, or just leave. She's more than willing to run me through the usual workout, and that's my choice. The workout goes as the others. I work on the kinotron and the bike and get an NMES treatment. No real progress, but I feel better.
I have a last lunch at Bob's, and get a cab home. The rest of the day is normal. I get downstairs for dinner, but the steps get harder every day. I should be gaining strength, not losing it. No one has any real solid ideas as to what's happening. Nor does anyone have anything more than a guess as what the problem is. Is it in my head, my neck, my back, or my legs. Only my arms are not suspect, and who knows, maybe they're at fault too.
Getting tossed from PT is humiliating at some level. I can't say I didn't see it coming. I'm pretty resolved in my mind that the current call one specialist, wait 2 to 4 weeks (or more for Slater) for an appointment, which is inconclusive and also ask me to go for one kind of test or another, which take also takes weeks. So far, after all that the answers have been inconclusive. All I can then do is seek out another specialist in another field and hope that he or she is able to come up with something I can act on.
At times I'm beginning to think that my condition, whatever it is, not diagnosable. I'm fated to simply lose all control of my legs (that, at current rates, will happen next month or the month after), The pace of diagnosis is too slow. I don't know if the current damage is reversible or not. It seem nerves are affected and I'm told they can take years to heal or may not heal at all, even with treatment. It's pretty depressing.
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